Foundation cont'd...

I was at this wedding yesterday and at one part they were talking about that old cliche thing where they say that your first image/impression of God is through your Dad. Never really had much of a Dad example growing up so that is shot. But I did have other family that served as a good foundation and I felt sort of made up for anything that was missing. Now I feel like I am going on a journey of my own and that It's time I grow apart from my family in sort of a healthy way. I think that's where the problem is though. I feel scared and lost and alone and I feel like I can't just run home to mom to make it all better. And I am struggling with God right now because I feel like he is pushing me to move forward and I feel sort of distant. So my days as of late are mixed with so much that is waring on me. When I feel good I feel good. But i haven't had a day in a while where I felt good all day. I feel like I am always on edge looking for the next moment that I am going to just feel bad. The whole thing is tricky though because what constitutes good and bad. I spent so much time being only happy funny Dave that I never learned how to really feel sorrow or mellow or comfortable to sit in my own skin. I think someone can only do that for so long. When i start to feel something other than happy I guess I feel that something is bad. But for me its really hard to pinpoint what's inside of me so I end up feeling like everything is bad and that I might go crazy or lose my mind. So let me go through what's going on in my head right now:
I have a headache right now and I feel sort of edgy and I don't really know why. I feel sad that I feel this way. This is a new job for me and the shift I am on is dead slow. This is my third 24 hour shift without a single call. I feel a bit lethargic. I used to love it when I was in school and working and playing music and busy. I used to feel so productive and active. Now things have slowed down and I think it makes me feel this way. So at the same time that I am sitting here feeling a little bored and wasting my time away, I am stressed about everything that is going on with me, with life transitions, with doing well in my actual new career, with doing well with the new fire position i just got, with balancing it all and taking care of Cait, and a million other little things. And all these things are going on all at the same time in my brain and as I sit here and let them all come up i feel crazy. My brain just won't slow down and it is so tiring. So my body is just sitting here doing nothing for the past 9 hours and my mind is racing this whole time. Multiply that times the past few weeks and here I am.
I don't know how to do things to change and I feel alone and scared and overwhelmed. Overwhelmed. My honest prayer is God please grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.